Wednesday, March 30, 2011
haven blogged for about four months. hmm...life hasnt been very smooth sailing for me, but i should not grumble. #praysforjapan.
quitted my job. still in the midst of finding a new job. sent out a few resumes but i have no idea when will this waiting game end--> (only shortlisted candidates will be notified). the agony of waiting for a response that might never come is really drowning me. my emotional condition is at its worst. i feel angsty and frustrated every single day. i can't hide my emotions and i dun even feel like hiding it; i show a black face over the slightest thing even though i know it'll hurt the other party. dad and mum, i'm sorry for throwing tantrums at you. sorry.
music can no longer calm me down like it used to. i want to cry. i want someone to ask me how am I. i want someone to accompany me for a walk by the beach and talk to me. but yet i dont want to show anyone this ugly and vulnerable side of me. *ET's ego refuses to give in to her emotional needs.* recently i always have this feeling of shutting the world out, i dont want to listen to anything/anyone besides my music. i dont feel like communicating my thoughts to anybody too. 我不想麻烦别人。
i've always thought that i'ld feel liberated and happy once i've quitted my job. but it seems otherwise. i didnt expect the feeling of being unemployed to be this bad. I hope everything will be alright after I find a job.
where has my optimism gone to? 你快回来啊！！！
RAWRR!!! :E 5:54 PM
Sunday, December 12, 2010
今天突然心血来潮想写一篇日记。
不知道你们会不会偶尔想一想自己是个怎么样的人。我会。
不知道该赖我属的星座（天蝎座），或是我天生就是这个性：敢爱敢恨，敢作敢当。或许就因为这样，往往会为了一时的执著，而做了让自己后悔的决定。当年的一气弄事，从我身边夺走了一段珍贵的友谊。那遗憾造成的空缺，我想无论时间过了多久，那空却也无法被填补，那伤口也无法完全愈合的。看见他们聚会的照片，心里不禁隐隐作痛，幻想自己原本也应该占据照片里的某一个角落，但照片里似乎已经再也容不下我的存在了。纸上谈兵并不是我的作风。时过境迁，我也何尝没有为了这一份友谊付出我最后的努力。或许我踏出那一步时已经太晚了，所有的一切要回头都太难了。也许有一天，当我不再对你们的生活近况感兴趣；不再想知道你们都过得好不好；不再怀念我们过去那一段晶莹的岁月的时候，那或许意味着。。我真的把你们放下了，释怀了。我祝福你们。
人生就是如此，拥有一些残缺的回忆，才会使人生显得更精彩。没有单调的黑色与白色，又怎会使其他的颜色显得鲜艳动人呢？
RAWRR!!! :E 4:49 PM
Monday, October 18, 2010
just read my friend's blog,she a teacher. then it dawned on me that i am lucky to have not gotten into NIE....because if i did, it would be the start of a crying journey for the rest of my teaching career. personally, i am the sort who gets emotionally attached easily,super easily. i can cry over song lyrics/tune,commercials,short videos,movies and of course drama series. i even get withdrawal symptoms when i finished watching some dramas. heart felt so lost and empty. )): perhaps my tear glands are overly active,but i have to clarify that i am not the emo sort of person,i just get moved easily. i was just imagining, if i became a teacher,every year when my students graduate, i would definitely cry my eyes out,just like i did when i graduated from secondary. thinking back, its strange that i only cried when i graduated from secondary school...but not primary school and jc. maybe i was too young to feel the sadness when i was 12 and was too numbed by jc hell-like curriculum and sucky teachers to feel any sense of belonging to jc when i was 18.
i've always loved and adored small kids. but on second thoughts, seeing and interacting with young kids once in awhile maybe a joy but having to face them everyday may be a different story altogether. what if i grew to find them a hassle as the days goes by? if that is so, what will happen when i have kids in the future? will i have that kind of patience to nuture them?
life sucks when you have so many doubts about it and when you have a lazy piece of shit as your colleague.sometimes i really want to scream in her face and ask her to stop acting dumb and to pick up the bloody calls in office!!! O:<
RAWRR!!! :E 4:05 PM
haven been blogging for a long time. life hasn't been very exciting.
this morning my mum told me to keep an eye on my 3 elder siblings while she and dad goes to m'sia for the next few days:
1.to make sure that my sister dont stay out till late
2.to monitor my 2 brothers and make sure they don't play computer games till late in the night coz they need to work the next morning.
my response to her was "please don't ask the youngest child in the family to keep an eye and look after the other 3 older ones at home hor...." and she gave me the -___- look..LOL..
speaking of which, i really think i'm the one that my parents worry about the least.not that they care lesser, but i seem to be taking care of myself better than my siblings.
though i earn much lesser than my brothers, but they always make my mum worry.
for big bro,she'll always fret over his relationship problems.
for 2nd bro,she'll always fret over his night shifts n long working hours taking a toil on his health.
for sis,she'll fret over her job hunt and relationship problems.
俗话说：“养儿一百岁，长忧九十九。”真的应验在我妈妈身上。世上只有妈妈好~~！！((:
for me,my relationship has never been a cause of worry for my mum coz she has never seen me quarrelling with ben before,neither did i.haha. for my studies,hmm...am lucky to say that i have been scoring distinctions and just a few marks short of high distinctions for past few modules. and even though i work and study, i take good care of my health and i'm am a healthy sleeper. i seldom stay up late and will always plop onto my bed once i feel tired. i make an effort to exercise regularly and eat proper meals.
i seemed to have forgotten what else i wanna blog about. never mind,next time then.((:
RAWRR!!! :E 11:16 AM
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
how do you know if you are growing up/old?
check for the following signs:
1.Money woes everday.
2.Deadlines to meet every other day.
3.Big events coming up every month,thus lots of planning and etc.
4.You keep reminiscing about the past.
5.Social circle shrinks as you and your friends get busier and busier,thus no time to meet up.
6.You find it harder and harder to make new friends and maintain new friendship as your past experiences tells you to choose your friends wisely.
7.You realise the importance of spending time with your family.
8.Grumbling becomes part of everyday life.
9."Pon-tang" slowly disappears from your dictionary coz you can't possibly pon work,unlike lessons in school.
10.See more and more candles on your birthday cake.
with that,signing off as a growing adolescent. )):
RAWRR!!! :E 10:12 AM
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
yoo hoo!!!
just came across some really funny comments in yahoo news forum.
it's some feedbacks on the new changes in bus fares.
someone posted this:
"What nonsense is this. The bus companies are always well protected. When they did not meet schedule they were fined $100. This is less than an executive lunch. When an individual commits a traffic offence he is fined more than that. People keep quiet but they are not stupid. Now, what is this trying to win votes with 2.5%. This on the max fare of say $1.60 is 4 cents.
Wow,even beggars throw away 5 cent coins."
Couldnt stand the last part in italic. what's with Singaporeans and their sacarsm nowadays. but i gotta admit it got me laughing quite a bit. lots more of such sacarsm in the rest of the threads. hahaha.
then it got me thinking. are singaporeans just too unappreciative or are they stating the facts. seriously i agree with some of their views like changes only come about during specific periods. you know what i'm referring to, and whether the changes really benefit us in the long run. does it benefit singapores of all income groups? moreover, with commoners already pointing out the fundamental issues to solve (increase bus frequency,reduce waiting time and peak hour squeeze, and bus fare by a higher percentage coz 2.5% is really negligible -___-), why are they just skirting around the main issues and not acting on it?
does your comments on forums even get noticed? perhaps only by people like me. since when do you see the authorities retracting their policies and adjustments? they are only informing us about it, we can discuss for all we want, but discussion is not equivalent to opinions/suggestions that will be considered at the end of the day.
then again, maybe we are just taught to always expect more and more and more.
mood:thoughtful
RAWRR!!! :E 12:09 PM
Monday, April 19, 2010
我的男友常言道：“
爱一个人不需要任何理由，爱一个人也可以有上千万个理由。”
就让我来说说看我爱我男友的理由。。。
他，会在我说我走到累的时候，背我。就算他自己也累了，他还是会背我。
他，会贴心的帮我按摩肩膀，也会细心的帮我吹干我的长发，因为他知道我懒惰自己吹。
他，每天早晨都会传good morning简讯给我，然我开心地迎接每一天。
他，每晚都会传goodnight简讯给我，替我的每一天画上个甜蜜的句点。
他，知道我喜欢听赞美/鼓励的话，就会常常为了芝麻绿豆的小事夸我，哄我开心。
他，就算薪水还没来，也会带我去吃我喜欢吃的，卖给我我超级喜欢的玩具。
他，喜欢做他招牌的章鱼嘟嘟嘴，因为他知道我觉得很可爱。
他，会在适当的时候督促我，却也同时告诉我他不是在骂我，因为他知道我最怕他凶我。
他，自己并非对打麻将很感兴趣，却会常常陪我和朋友一起打牌。
他，从来都不曾对我发脾气。
他，每天都让我觉得我站在他世界的正中央，就像他世界里的小太阳，独一无二。
在照亮他的世界时，也同时带给他欢乐与欢笑声。
而我这颗小太阳，从他的世界里得到的爱却是有过之而无不及的。
让我觉得我是如此的平凡，却又如此的幸运，所以我要谢谢他，在我生命中的每一天。<3
dedicate this special post to my special boy, i love you. ((:
RAWRR!!! :E 10:33 AM
Thursday, March 25, 2010
how do you feel everytime you couldnt get in touch with your close ones?
everytime my parents/siblings or boyfriend doesn't pick up my call, especially when it's getting late at night,i get very paranoid. all sorts of negative things start popping up in my mind...but fortunately,my calls were always returned. :))
how much do i know about myself?
身为典型的天蝎座，我不喜欢人家过于依赖我。你越是想粘着我，我就越想离你远远的。
我需要很多的个人空间，想要知道你在想什么，却又不是很愿意让你看透我整个人，整个心。
独立自主的我，不介意一个人出去逛逛，单独行事，独来独往，对本来就不喜欢依赖别人的我来说，就像是难得的假期，让自己静下来。讲义气的我，决不能容忍朋友被欺负，肯定会为我的好友站出来说话，力挺到底。但要我为你赴汤蹈火，两肋插刀，也不是一件简单的事。眼光锐利的天蝎座，在选择朋友时决不草草了事。若第一眼就看你不顺眼，就很难改变对你的看法。对许多人而言，这种先入为主的观念或许会让人觉得不舒服或者觉得“谁稀罕做你的朋友呢。。”，但对我而言，这就像一种与生俱来的本领，避免交错损友或信错人。或许是我天生缺乏安全感，要我完全的信任你很难，不过一旦信任你，就会对你掏心掏肺。有一位天歇座的好友曾经提到天歇座的人疑心病特别重，总是在猜疑着别人的一举一动背后是不是都有目的，整天弄得自己提心吊胆，疑神疑鬼。开朗随兴的天歇座，很容易喜欢上别人，但只要一开始一段恋情，就会全心投入。可以说我是个吝于夸奖的人，一是怕被看作爱奉承，拍马屁的人。二是不善于表达对于别人的敬仰。三是经常觉得自己比别人强，觉得别人的成就和自己的一样，不是一件甚大的事，而是理所当然的。
okie,that's about all for now that i can manage to think off. shall update again when i discover more about myself. ciaos~ ((:
RAWRR!!! :E 12:42 PM
